“When I said I needed you, you said you would always stay.” ~ Dusty Springfield
Disclaimer: This post strays away from my backyard nature theme. So for those of you expecting that, you may want to stop reading here because you will be sorely disappointed. I’ve seen other blogs where they have categories but that always seemed too confusing for me, although I’ve thought about it. Instead, I’ll just post a disclaimer when I write “off topic” from time to time. This post has to do with thoughts and feelings and emotions and stuff of a more personal nature I’d say. So, please be forewarned and if you still decide to read, well – you can’t whine afterwards about how you feel ripped off. I mean, come on, let’s be fair! We’re all adults here. (Aren’t we?) Ok, last chance --- you’ve been duly warned.
So, I was driving in my car by myself the other night and I put in my new favorite CD. This is the Shelby Lynn CD which is a tribute to Dusty Springfield. If you do not know who that is --- well, now that just makes me sad and you are not the person I thought you were. Kidding aside, if you Google Dusty Springfield you will immediately see that you do know who she is and that you do recognize some of the songs listed. However, as an extra added bonus I am including a YouTube link of Dusty below for your listening pleasure. And this is the song I’m referring to below. You have to wait and read this first. Those are the rules. We are on the honor system here and I expect you all to abide. (“The Dude abides.”)
Continuing -- I advance the CD to track 3 just as I have been doing for about a week now when I have the opportunity to be by myself in the car. (Unfortunately, this is rare) Well Shelby Lynn no sooner sings the first few lyrics and I am sobbing like a baby. OK, actually I only wish I were balling like a baby. I only have 5 minutes to myself here (running out for milk) so I can’t really show up at the store like this or back home. I have to stop myself – pull myself together – and save my cry for another day, as usual. One of these days I’m going to have myself a good old fashioned cry – I’ve been waiting for years now. Does anyone out there know what I mean? I mean, I am by nature an upbeat positive type of person, but there are sadnesses in life and if you don’t acknowledge them and deal with them and give in to them – they are going to come back when you least expect it and surface and suddenly you are sobbing like a crazy person in public. Now, this hasn’t happened to me yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
I really could use a week (or, 6-7 months) in the woods all by myself so I can amply allow myself this luxury to cry. I’d like to be able to just let it all out if and when it surfaces, instead of stifling my feelings – putting them up on a shelf for another time – compartmentalizing it all to deal with later. Do any of you out there know what I mean? It’s not that I’m feeling blue either. Rainy days and Mondays do not get me down. There are very specific things that I’d like to cry about. Mostly my sadnesses are for other people who I know have had tremendous losses in their lives. Their loved ones have passed on, in many cases much too soon, and in some cases very tragically, and I think about them - their losses – and how they must feel and that just makes me oh-so-sad. So, every now and then a certain song plays and it’s not necessarily that the lyrics speak to what my “issues” are, there’s just that sort of pathos. The song evokes a certain sadness which makes me think of the sad things that I’ve put away on my shelf.
Did you know that when you cry – if you are alone, well – it’s just not as, for lack of another word – productive, than if you had someone with you to comfort you and let you cry. (That’s why I need 6 months in the woods instead of 1 week, it’s gonna take me longer) You know, I always suspected that. I came to know that this is true because of a dream I had. Several years back – maybe 6-8 years ago – I had a dream. In the dream I was sobbing like a baby, almost inconsolable. I remember afterwards that it wasn’t that there was nothing specific that I was sobbing about, but in my dream it was not clear why or what I was sobbing about. But it was so real. It was clear that it was something specific, but it was just not revealed to me what it was. Well, there was someone who came to me, as I sat there beside a brook weeping, and the person consoled me. It was clear that I knew who the person was. In my dream it was someone I knew, although in reality I have no idea who that was. Dreams are funny like that. So, the person just wrapped their arms around me and let me cry and cry. When I awoke, I felt oddly ok, as if I had just, well - had a good cry. I hadn’t felt particularly sad prior to that. The dream was so vivid and so real though and the feelings were so real. When I thought about this dream in the days and weeks and even months that followed, I could recall once again the feelings of sobbing (not just sobbing, but the feelings and emotions behind all this sadness – you know - the mourning, the grieving, the remorse) and of being comforted. I must have had too much sadness stacked up on my shelf. I’m glad they didn’t come crashing down – landing me in some sort of loony bin or something -- because I’m fine. I really am. I am not some sort of basket case. But, at any rate, when I think of the dream now, I can remember that one little “scene” but I do not feel any of those emotions that were so reaI. Guess I’m about due for another dream.
If you click on the link below, (scroll down - after the lyrics) you will be directed to a YouTube of Dusty Springfield singing “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me.” As much as I like Shelby Lynn, I love Dusty’s original - 1000 times more. Her voice is so haunting --- particularly since she, too, passed away – way too soon. This makes it all that much sadder. Oh!! (Don’t even get me started on Karen Carpenter.) So – read the lyrics, listen to the song and have yourself a good cry – on me. (“You’re welcome.”) Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me
~ Dusty Springfield
When I said I needed you. You said you would always stay.
It wasn't me who changed but you. And now you've gone away.
Don't you see That now you've gone. And I'm left here on my own.
That I have to follow you. And beg you to come home?
You don't have to say you love me. Just be close at hand. You don't have to stay forever. I will understand.
Believe me, believe me. I can't help but love you. But believe me I'll never tie you down..
Left alone with just a memory. Life seems dead and so unreal. All that's left is loneliness.
There's nothing left to feel.
You don't have to say you love me. Just be close at hand. You don't have to stay forever,
I will understand. Believe me, believe me.
You don't have to say you love me. Just be close at hand . You don't have to stay forever I will understand.
Believe me, believe me, believe me (Click on YOUTUBE below)
YouTube - Dusty Springfield - You Don't Have To Say You Love Me (Original Stereo)
